It’s the first Friday in October and I find myself slowly coming out of a serious funk that lasted way longer than I liked. I came home from NYFW and had every intent to share a full recap about my trip and all the amazing things I was so graciously invited to experience while I was there, but was at a loss for the words to pull it altogether. But how? And most importantly, why?! Here I am doing what I innately love, yet my tank was all the way empty.
In addition to maintaining TII, I’m also a 9-to-5 working woman overseeing digital marketing strategy for a luxury fashion + lifestyle brand in Dallas. Things in my full-time role have been the busiest they’ve ever been, and I quickly found myself leaving the office every day with what felt like immense anxiety about everything I wasn’t getting done instead of proud of all that my lean team of two (me + my amazing Digital Coordinator) were accomplishing.
Then I would get home from said longest professional days of my life to find myself in arguments with my guy about the silliest things. His practical and calm perspective found a way to trigger something inside of me that felt so fragile and huge. And so, yet another layer of insurmountable anxiety settled in and every thought that lingered in my mind left me with the same outcome – “You’re a failure.”
Wow. But why did I have to be so harsh with myself though?! Well because it’s very natural to do when you are your harshest critic and demand the very best from yourself. Now keep in mind that I recently spoke on a panel a month or so ago and was asked, “How do you define success?” to which my immediate response was, “The little wins matter. When you schedule a 5:30AM workout session and actually show up for it, that’s SUCCESS!” But how was I losing sight of that very perspective in my own day-to-day reality? Because I’m imperfect, that’s how. And THAT’s the very thing that can so easily get lost in the thick of trying to live an abundant life.
Just living has a tricky way of drowning out our individual ability to hold fast to the very things we KNOW to be true. But we all know that just living isn’t enough. We want to thrive! And in trying to “achieve it all,” there are so many bright, optimistic spirits that go through stints of negativity, struggle and weakness but feel ashamed to expose themselves because the world (aka social media) has fooled us into believing we must always have our sh*t together. Well allow me to re-affirm that you are perfectly imperfect just as you are, wherever you might be in your journey. Give yourself the grace to run empty. And when you do, be kind enough to yourself to seek what you need to refuel. For me it’s leaning heavily on my tight knit support system – openly sharing how I’m feeling with my most candid friends and asking for intentional prayer. Being completely vulnerable with those I trust implicitly keeps me grounded in all the important virtues I need to hear and not one bit of what I want to hear. I also find great value in turning to fulfilling reads like Cleo Wade’s Heart Talk and Sarah Young’s Daily Devotional, Jesus Calling.
It’s my hope sharing this serves as a constant reminder (for both you and myself) that we never forget what we have to give this world every single day is more than enough. Even if it feels like the smallest bit to us, IT IS ENOUGH. Here’s to being so joyful and kind to ourselves that it radiates off onto others in a way that leaves them lingering for more.
All my love, xo